Censimento dello stagista

Cari amici stRagisti,

eccomi qui tornata tra voi. Pensavo di riposare ancora un po’ nei meandri del mio silenzio, ma niente, la realtà mi spinge con urgenza qui.

So bene infatti che a tutti voi poveri stagisti è arrivato direttamente a casa un plico sospetto, grande, bianco con all’interno un bel libricino che consta di 63 pagine + 17 di spiegazione + 1 di invito all’azione. Una call to action.

E’ il questionario relativo al Censimento generale della popolazione 2011 che servirà a “conoscere la struttura demografica e sociale dell’Italia e dei suoi territori”, ad “acquisire informazioni utili a comprendere meglio la realtà in cui viviamo” e ad “assumere scelte più consapevoli da parte delle Istituzioni, delle imprese e dei singoli cittadini”. E io, Luce StRagista non potevo esimermi dal dovere.

Rispondo alle varie domande senza troppa esitazione: vivo in un’abitazione, non in una baracca o in una roulotte, sono iscritta all’anagrafe del mio Comune eh… ops… arrivo al quesito 6.6. Una sufficienza e poco più. Una disattenzione. Un bluff, un trucco.

Alla domanda Che tipo di lavoro svolge? Queste sono le uniche opzioni di risposta:

1)   Un lavoro alle dipendenze [DA DROGHE ] (determinato o indeterminato)

2)   Collaborazione [S]coordinata e [DIS]continuativa (con o senza pr[E-]getto)

3)   Prestazione d’opera [SESSUALE] occasionale

4)   Impren[T]itore

5)   Libero [?] professionista

6)   Lavoratore in proprio [ME]

7)   Socio di cooperativa [YOU]

8)   Coadiuavante familiare [EVERYBODY]

E lo stagista? Mi affretto a cercarlo sulla ricca guida alla compilazione del foglio di famiglia. Ohibò qui scopro un bel casotto: c’è scritto nero su bianco che  gli apprendisti, i praticanti e i tirocinanti retribuiti (tanto di grassetto per RETRIBUITI) sono compresi tra coloro che lavorano come dipendenti. Come si spiega chiaramente qualche paragrafo prima infatti “per lavoro si intende qualsiasi attività diretta all’ottenimento di una retribuzione, salario, stipendio, profitto”. Ma come? E tutte le belle parole? Gli stagisti devono fare solo un’esperienza di vita, aprirsi a nuovi mondi, mica devono GUADAGNARE.

E poi questi tizi del sistema statistico nazionale ci tengono a precisare che tra i lavoratori vanno considerati anche i tirocinanti e gli stagisti che percepiscono una retribuzione o un compenso non monetario purchè continuativo (buoni pasto, ricarica cellulare [GIURO, E’ VERO, C’E’ SCRITTO!], buoni benzina.

Quindi cari amici StRagisti non c’è da temere. Basta ricevere in modo continuativo un buono pasto e due figure per entrare nel dorato mondo del lavoro. E come per magia i disoccupati non ci sono più.

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